On this Christmas Eve I am sitting here watching the sun awaken the sleepy city. I am in my Mickey Mouse pajamas with my favorite Hogwarts Mug full of hot fresh coffee, and my laptop ready to write, yet, I feel irritated and annoyed with my inability to come up with something to write. My husband and I were just sitting on our little couch, reading our daily affirmations, when I confessed that I was struggling with writer’s block. I wanted to write, to write something meaningful, witty, and thought provoking.
I love writing. It’s my therapy, and it’s my gift. I may never make the New York Times Best Seller list, I may never write a story good enough to be a movie, but I write. I have to. It’s like the stuff inside me needs to come out. I have to express myself, my thoughts, my life lessons in the form of words. I suppose that is how artists feel. They have to paint, draw, sing, create music to express themselves in a medium that allows them to be seen and heard.
It’s also scary as hell. I mean, it is full exposure. You are putting yourself out there. What if I mess up? What if what I write something that doesn’t make sense? Or worse, that I screw up the grammar- as a Language Arts Teacher- that is worse than drinking and driving! Or what if the story I publish is not appreciated? And, what if it does? What if I what I write actually is meaningful, witty, and thought provoking? Eeeek!
I wanted to write something about Christmas. I wanted to reminisce about Christmas’s past. To write about how silly we can be with commercializing the hell of yet. I wanted to make a point that Christmas is not about the gifts- it’s about something much more meaningful. Then I thought, how many times, in so many ways, have we heard that story before?
So I thought long and hard, what do I want to write about? I thought about my blog and how some of my stories were cute, passive aggressive, humorous and most importantly healing. I was able to use the words in my heart to tell my story and let those around me know how much life is wonderful, hard, confusing and silly! I was able to say to the people around me how much they mean to me. In some way this gift was able to build bridges where gaps and rifts were present.
Maybe Christmas is all about the gifts after all. Not the presents, but the gifts we give each other, to the world. The other night we spent our “family Christmas” at my sister’s house. She opened her home to us, and then after we ate our homemade tamales and chile, we exchanged gifts. After our children ravaged their gifts, it was time for us to open the gifts my sister gave to us. Apparently, we couldn’t just sit with our drinks and unwrap this year’s knick knacks, she created a Jeopardy like game for us and the couple with the most points was able to pick out the numbered boxes displayed on the festive decorated table- this girl looooves to decorate!
I don’t want to brag or anything, but my hubby and I kicked everyone’s ass! Nothing like a good ol’ competition in the family gathering! And although we all were able to go home with trunks full of toys, cash, new kitchen toys and smelly socks, the true gift was how my sister is so fuckin creative! She shares her fun personality with the world. She is loyal, bossy (mostly in a good way), and lives life loudly! Her husband, well, his gift to the world his is art, his music and his motivation to health and fitness. He loves the people around them, regardless of what wrongs they may have done. I am proud to be his sister-in-law
My youngest sister is the sunshine of my soul. She gives the world her beauty in working hard and loving just as hard. Her side kick, he is just as beautiful with that long silky, curly hair of his. He’s pretty cool and I enjoy hanging out with him.
My husband’s true gift is how loyal and loving he is. He has a way with people and I have learned how to be a better friend because of him. He loves entertaining, and our home has been opened for eating, drinking, talking, laughing, crying and bonding. It has been the greatest gift in our marriage.
I think of my in-laws. The gift of forgiveness. My sister-in-law who brings so much light and joy.
My Uncles and Aunts who gave my sisters and me the gift of normalcy and fun.
I can go on and on… but I have to go! It’s Christmas Eve and I have to do Christmas Eve-ie stuff.
We all have gifts to share to the world. Sometimes we have to just stop and look and realize that no matter how we celebrate this time of year, the best gifts are each other!
Merry Christmas! Love Always