When the world shut down a year ago I, like all the others, did not know the outcome of the future. Strolling through social media and you can tell that many of my friends were handling it in many different ways. Some were silent, some rolled up their sleeves and went to work helping others in need, others used humor and wit with their memes and posts. I have been spending a lot of time in self-reflection and dealing with some health issues- nothing serious, just enough to stop running and heal.
I don’t know why but the quarantine magnified my insecurities. Everything I thought I had under control somehow reared its ugly head. I felt inadequate. I felt alone. I felt that I was just not good enough. Remember my post on how bad I was feeling back in August? I love my blog for that reason alone. To express myself and let the world know that despite all those negative feelings I kept showing up.
The year of closure lead me to a new season of maturity. A year to close off all the insecurities that hold me back to be fully alive. In all the self-help work I did, I realized that self-insecurities is nothing more than another form of self-conceit. It keeps my focus on myself, and when I focus so closely on myself so much so that I cannot see past my own self, the world loses out because I hide in shame rather than live with love, joy and peace.
Everyone has insecurities. EVERYONE! It’s HOW we deal with them that matters. We can surrender to the temptation to keep feeling inadequate and unworthy- and coming from personal experience, it’s not a happy place to be. Or we can accept that we are in fact inadequate, but we choose to be present anyway. We keep doing what we are doing even when it feels rough.
Since August, I have showed up for my students to the best of my ability. I have showed up for my own kids to the best of my ability. I have showed up to my family and friends to the best of my ability. And that is all life requires from us. Nothing more and nothing less.
I’m ready for the new chapter! I’m ready to be who I am and to do what I can to uplift others, because when I am busy living a life that encourages and edifies others, there is no time to dwell in the insecurities that call out to us in that high pitch annoying voice, telling us all the ugly lies about ourselves.
The truth is that we are loved more than we can understand, and no matter how messy and awkward it may feel, we are called to share that love with others around us.
Let us close the door of last year- the year everything closed- and let us have “closure” from the past, and keep on keeping on.
Remember Love Always