Our Family Story Chapter 4

December 10, 2021Leave a comment

The burial took place in the little village by the little adobe church. The sun peeked behind grey clouds surrounded by the grey sky looking down upon the grey ground. The cross on the top of the church still gleamed. The family surrounded the homemade coffin made of pinon tree. The priest gave the blessing and handed the blessed crucifix to Mama who was still crying. Ofelia and the other siblings placed a special object on top of the coffin. Ofelia chose a toy truck. They use to play together on their free time with that little blue truck, pretending to drive to town and buy as much candy as they wanted.

Papa and the other men began to fill the hole with their shovels when the coffin was lowered deep in the ground. Soon, the entire coffin was covered with rich desert dirt. And now the only reminder of little Juanito was a big lump of dirt, a cross head stone, and some flowers. Everyone comforting each other that Juanito had gone to a better place.

Ofelia cried herself to sleep that night wondering if her heart would ever heal from the pain of her family’s grief. To think that she would experience many more heart aches as her journey continues, as this was only the beginning.

Living without Juanito left the family empty. Papa would not talk about him, and he seemed to drink a little more beer than usual. Mama seemed a little less herself, a little more serious, a little more protective.

Down the road Polo, the baby of the family, spots someone walking down the road. It was Tia Maria. “Mama!! Tia Maria! She is here!” yelled Polo. ,

Mama greeted her at the door. “Maria! It is good to see you!” They embraced for a bit.

“Hola Eolojia! Come estas?” asked Maria.

“Oye, muy triste…so depressed. It’s been a hard few weeks,” as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Si, well I am here now.” They walked towards the kitchen.

For dinner Mama and Tia Maria made a huge dinner for everyone. Papa butchered a lamb and Tia Maria brought fresh oranges and baked a chocolate cake, Mama baked rolls and churned homemade butter.

As the family sat to eat, everything started to feel better, and hope began to grow. They talked and exchanged stories, and the kids running around with laughter once again.

BE KIND

December 7, 2021December 7, 2021Leave a comment

Promoting kindness seems everywhere these days. I see it on bumper stickers, posters, FB and Instagram posts and most certainly in schools. I even have a poster that says “Be Kind” on my door in my classroom.

Sometimes I get very cynical with the notion. Don’t get me wrong, I whole heartedly believe that we should be kind. Maybe it’s the way the message is being conveyed that makes me chuckle in disbelief- “Be kind? Us? Ha!” First of all, how bossy are those bumper stickers? Second of all, nobody tells me what to do! I’ll be kind when I want to be kind, and only when it benefits me!

I can’t be the only one who feels this way, right?

In reality though, what does it really mean to be kind, because I personally believe that being kind is one of the hardest things to do. It’s like asking me to like cilantro. NO THANKS!

Be kind to the person who cuts me off while driving? NOPE!

Be kind to the person who is rude to me at the store? DON’T THINK SO!

Be kind to the person who insults me in an email? YEAH RIGHT!

I’ll be kind to the person who strokes my ego, lifts up my wounded heart, and agrees with me about my politics and values, thank you very much!

See, kindness does exist, but it only exists tribally! You see, the root word for kindness is kin and kind, in other words, kindness is what I extend to my kin. So I’ve been wondering- is it really kindness when I only extend it to my kin, to those who are like me? In my own experience, that is where kindness ends.

So how do we promote kindness when we really don’t know how to do it?

I think a lot of us are trying, but it certainly isn’t easy. It’s something that takes up a lot of conscious effort and humility to really be kind to someone who is so different from us, and especially to someone who has been unkind to us.

I remember reading once, “Do not be concerned with how others treat you, rather be concerned about how YOU treat others.” In reality we live the opposite way- and so we have a lot of unkind people in the world.

So maybe promoting kindness has more to do with ourselves and how we treat others, and in all of this, the first and most important person to be kind to is ourselves! After all, practice is what makes this doable, and progress not perfection, is what the goal should be.

I’ll still probably cuss the person out who cuts me off of traffic, because nothing pisses me off more, but I want to be more aware of my interactions with others and do my best to be kind, because what the world needs right now, more than ever, is kindness!

Love Always

A Year of Closures

March 28, 2021Leave a comment

When the world shut down a year ago I, like all the others, did not know the outcome of the future. Strolling through social media and you can tell that many of my friends were handling it in many different ways. Some were silent, some rolled up their sleeves and went to work helping others in need, others used humor and wit with their memes and posts. I have been spending a lot of time in self-reflection and dealing with some health issues- nothing serious, just enough to stop running and heal.

I don’t know why but the quarantine magnified my insecurities. Everything I thought I had under control somehow reared its ugly head. I felt inadequate. I felt alone. I felt that I was just not good enough. Remember my post on how bad I was feeling back in August? I love my blog for that reason alone. To express myself and let the world know that despite all those negative feelings I kept showing up.

The year of closure lead me to a new season of maturity. A year to close off all the insecurities that hold me back to be fully alive. In all the self-help work I did, I realized that self-insecurities is nothing more than another form of self-conceit. It keeps my focus on myself, and when I focus so closely on myself so much so that I cannot see past my own self, the world loses out because I hide in shame rather than live with love, joy and peace.

Everyone has insecurities. EVERYONE! It’s HOW we deal with them that matters. We can surrender to the temptation to keep feeling inadequate and unworthy- and coming from personal experience, it’s not a happy place to be. Or we can accept that we are in fact inadequate, but we choose to be present anyway. We keep doing what we are doing even when it feels rough.

Since August, I have showed up for my students to the best of my ability. I have showed up for my own kids to the best of my ability. I have showed up to my family and friends to the best of my ability. And that is all life requires from us. Nothing more and nothing less.

I’m ready for the new chapter! I’m ready to be who I am and to do what I can to uplift others, because when I am busy living a life that encourages and edifies others, there is no time to dwell in the insecurities that call out to us in that high pitch annoying voice, telling us all the ugly lies about ourselves.

The truth is that we are loved more than we can understand, and no matter how messy and awkward it may feel, we are called to share that love with others around us.

Let us close the door of last year- the year everything closed- and let us have “closure” from the past, and keep on keeping on.

Remember Love Always

2020 Vision

January 1, 2020Leave a comment

As each year passes more quickly than the last one, I have come to appreciate what it means to grow in maturity. So instead of having unrealistic goals and resolutions to transform myself over night, I have decided to make this year a year of Acceptance.

Accept that I am getting older and my life is made up of more than fighting wrinkles, body image and grey hair. My beauty grows from the inside not the outside.
Accept that certain relationships will never reconcile. I will remind myself, when I am feeling grieved about it, that often gentle good-byes are the acts of great courage and kindness. It is kinder to let go so you can love them, rather than hold them close and hate them. It is true that you will only be able to love some people from a safe distance.
Accept forgiveness for myself and to forgive others. Forgiveness is a reminder that I am not perfect. I will always be a work in progress. When I withhold forgiveness to others who may have offended me, I am acting self-righteously. I have no right to judge, punish, or absolve anyone. When I withhold forgiveness to myself or others I am the who will suffer, since I separate myself from fellow human beings. I do NOT know the motives or circumstances that cause another’s behavior.
Accept that I can have an opinion without insisting that others share it.
Accept that life is a blessing.
Accept that life is only lived one day at a time.
Accept that my needs are my responsibility.
Accept that I have both shortcomings and strengths.
Accept that I need to ask for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don’t.
Accepting love from others, even if I’m having a tough time loving myself.
Accept that I can care FOR people without having to take care OF them.

I have a primary responsibility to myself and the world: to make myself into the best person I can possibly be. Then and only then, will I have something worthwhile to share.

May 2020 bring you healing, peace, love, abundance, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Love Always

The Last Ten Years…

December 30, 20191 Comment

2010- Divorced. It was not easy for anyone. Restraining orders, court hearings, custody issues etc...

2011- Accepted in the CDP (Career Development Program) at UNM to become teacher. Only 17 were accepted. I was torn with the decision to attend the CDP program or find an accounting job. I have a degree in Accounting. I knew that the accounting job would give me a salary quickly, and since becoming a single mom I needed the money. I also knew that I was being called to teach. It was a risk in a lot of ways, but I had to answer the call. So we lived off of student loans while I finished school. Finding a teaching job was difficult after graduation. Even though my first gig was a 5th grade class, it was definitely my worst year. Since I was considered a short hire, I was not re-hired for the job. I was relieved and scared at the same time, since I desperately needed a job. So when I dropped off my 6th grader at her new middle school- I thought what the heck- I applied, got an interview and wasn’t hired until two days before school started, and not for the position I applied for. Instead I found myself teaching 6th Grade Gifted Language Arts.

2012- First year as a middle school teacher. I found my place! Got my endorsement in Gifted Education and Language Arts so I could stay. And right before the year ends, I meet Dan through his brother who I worked with at that middle school.

2013- Engaged at Disney World. Dan turns 40. I move in with Dan, and once again at the end of the year- pregnant!

2014- Transfer to Desert Ridge Middle School, the best middle school in the state! Got married. A short and sweet ceremony at Dan’s parents back yard. Avery is born.

2015- Postpartum Depression hits me hard. Lots of fighting, crying and isolation. I really don’t remember anything else that year. Dan gets a new job at Albuquerque Public Schools Education Foundation.

2016- Medication and therapy help me and I see the light. Slowly reconnect with people. Dan gets a new job at Big Brothers Big Sisters in Santa Fe.

2017- My oldest graduates high school. Mother daughter trip to Belize. Then she goes away to college, lots of tears. Dan gets a new job with Casa Esperanza.

2018- Loving life and making new friends. Dan loses his job at Casa. I turn 40. I start taking my running to new distances.

2019- Ran my first marathon. Go me! Dan starts delivering pizzas for Dominoes. Go Dan! I start a running camp. Dan starts a new gig at Walmart, and then finally settles into ADC.

What a decade it has been!

2020- What I know for sure in 2020 is that Kevin will graduate from High School, and then he will be off on his own adventure. I also know that the predictable life I have created, and proudly so, will continue to be predictable in my everyday ordinary life.

I know it’s tempting to expect and hope for all the best in 2020, but if I learned anything these ten years, is that life will always throw surprises. Good and bad. It’s tempting to chant, “2020 is gonna be our year!” And though my heart believes it, I have to say that last few years have made us who we are. Dan and I have been there for each other in our worst and our best. 2020 is not going to be any different than all the years past. It’s another trip around the sun and transmissions will break, water heaters will leak, heaters will stop throwing heat, cancer will continue to threaten and steal our loved ones, relationships will grow, or grow a part, new jobs and opportunities will arise and sometimes they demise. Much like the magic of Christmas, New Years brings on a euphoric sense of newness and second chances. We all want a smooth ride. Truth be told, it’s too boring when there are no challenges to overcome. Challenges shapes our character and delivers compassion to our hearts.

2019 taught me that while you are waiting for your life to get better, it’s time for YOU to get better.

Challenges are not meant to break you, they are meant for you to find and have a purpose in your life. 2019 taught me that I can’t expect life to be perfect- because it never will be. So instead of expecting 2020 to be a perfect year, I expect it to be a year of purpose.

Happy New Years My Friends!

Love Always!

It’s all about The Mashed Potatoes

December 27, 2019March 20, 2020Leave a comment

Six years ago on a cold New Mexico winter, my life changed. All it took was a simple hello, a hand shake, and a conversation that continues everyday, every evening, and every night for the last six years.

I wasn’t sure at first, or let’s just say my track record was not impressive, so I doubted my intuition. I didn’t want to go through another break-up. I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to discover that it wasn’t meant to be.

It was a casual gathering. Just dinner and drinks. Little did I know that my life and the lives of my children would forever be changed. I was a little nervous, a little anxious, and a little guarded.

I was divorced for three years. In that time I had dated a few men. Some good, some not so good, and the truth be told, I gave up on the dating scene. It was just too complicated and too time consuming, and I was exhausted.

When I accepted an invitation to have dinner and drinks with some co-workers there was a hint of a set up with a single guy who just went through a divorce himself. No expectations, but when he made me smile and then laugh…. well.

I entered through the door, we were introduced, I shook his hand and then we began a conversation that we continue to have everyday.

There isn’t much to explain here, we have been happy ever since- well mostly happy. We have had our downs and our struggles. We had to work hard for what we wanted. We continue to work hard- and that’s really what love is all about. It’s all about the Mashed Potatoes- and everything else is gravy.

Happy Meetiversary Cowboy! MUAH!